The Buddha said, “You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. The Buddha taught the heart of a saying we have each heard many times: you can’t truly love anyone else until you love yourself. The numerous metta, loving-kindness, practices of Buddhism begin with befriending ourselves. When you encounter suffering that you can’t stop no matter how hard you try, you need equanimity to avoid creating additional suffering and to channel your energies to areas where you can be of help.” Even so, the Buddha’s instructions regarding all four types of love are the same: a person dwells pervading the entire world everywhere and equally, his heart filled with love, “abundant, grown great, measureless, free from enmity and free from distress.” “ Equanimity,” argues Thanissaro Bhikkhu, in his article “ Head and Heart Together,” is a slightly different emotion than loving-kindness, in that “it acts as an aid to and a check on the other three. For example, the application of loving-kindness towards suffering is compassion likewise, the application of loving-kindness towards happiness is sympathetic joy. Of these four emotions, metta, loving-kindness, goodwill or love-depending on the translator-is fundamental. Specifically, the Four Immeasurables are: loving-kindness ( metta) compassion ( karuna) empathetic joy ( mudita) and equanimity ( upekkha). Boundless, or immeasurable, indicates that we cultivate love for each and every single being without partiality. ![]() The Tibetan Buddhist tradition defines love explicitly: the wish for someone to have happiness and its causes.īuddhism cultivates four kinds of love called the Boundless States, or the Four Immeasurables, none of which can be mistaken for romantic love, sentimentality or possessiveness. “Love you, too,” they say in reply, halfway down the stairs, voice buried by the roar of a passing car.Ĭhristian tradition does have a word for love that is more spiritual in nature-the term, agape, which originally meant selfless love, an ideal echoed in Buddhism’s teachings on love. “Love you,” we say as husband or child heads out the door. We use the word to denote, and connote, everything from romantic passion to a favorite food. The word, love, has become a thin and worn currency in modern life perhaps love, so essential to all humanity, should never be spoken without a moment of astonishment and a recognition of its effects. The Buddha described the purpose of the Dharma, his teachings, as “the liberation of the heart which is love.” We in the West have been bombarded with mindfulness this and mindfulness that, and it’s only lately that his many, many teachings on love and methods for its cultivation have come to the forefront of popular attention. Indeed, might love-how it’s cultivated and manifested-be key for spiritual growth no matter the religious tradition? It’s a great question and, in my mind, key in terms of how one matures as a Buddhist (and as a human being for that matter!). ![]() ![]() I’ve struggled with this same issue, so I’m really glad you asked. As someone with a love of the Buddha’s teachings, over- blessed with curiosity, I’m willing to ask those who are more experienced, committed and smarter than myself to help me wrestle with the issues raised by readers. However, I’m fascinated that we Buddhists find ourselves in the midst of a quickly evolving global religion, a cross-pollination of the ancient East and the modern West, the modern East and the ancient West. Most importantly, I’m not liberated, not even close. I studied comparative religions in college, and was a religious “tourist” for a time before committing to a Buddhist path for the last three decades in the Southeast Asian Theravada tradition. I’m a white, middle-class, happily-married, Spokane mother of two who grew up with no knowledge Buddhist teachings or cultures in a WASP (white-anglo-saxon-protestant-middle-class) suburb of New York City. What am I missing?įirst off, the caveat that should begin all my AAB responses: know that my slice of perspective is necessarily narrow. I have studied Buddhism a little bit and I am attracted to it, but I keep coming away with the feeling that it is not a good fit because it seems overly intellectual. ![]() I can’t shake the notion that the practice of Buddhism seems “heady” to me sort of lacks a heart connection to others. I have always wondered how “heart” fits into, or is addressed by Buddhists. What do you want to ask a Buddhist? Fill out the form below or submit your question online. She’s ready to answer your questions about the faith. Sarah Conover has been a Buddhist practitioner for nearly three decades.
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